Jerry, you need to find god
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
