i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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