i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We need to rekindle our bromance
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
