My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
