im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I love having hate sex.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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