'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
