I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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