Little spoons don't ask big questions
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
