when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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