im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
