can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
