I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
