Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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