Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
