Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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