the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
