Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I deserve this hangover.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize