so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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