4 words: hood of his car
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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