this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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