beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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