He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Need sex. Gaining weight.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
