Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
