we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
