I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
