Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
