Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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