Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
