Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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