the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I need to stop coming to work sober
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
