Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
