im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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