I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
