I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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