the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
