you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
