so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
