Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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