these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
