Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize