Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
