Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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