Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
