i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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