If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
