he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
