I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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