his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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