my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
