I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
