Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
How naked do you want me to be?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
