this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Randomize
