I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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