I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
