stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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