I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
oh god was she eating orange peels again
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
