we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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