Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
