Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
