She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
