So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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