Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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