I think I died a long time ago.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Randomize
