Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
