How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Your cock deserves a montage
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
