Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
