Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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