I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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