I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
