I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
