I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
