let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
