even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
