some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
