come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
