Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
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she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
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It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize