this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
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I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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