I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
